She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
