no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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