after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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