I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
