And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
