my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
