Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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