Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
