Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
