guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize