Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
