Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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