dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
