Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize