I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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