how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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