I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
