She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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