sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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