i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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