how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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