Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
