I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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