if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The adults are the big ones right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
