so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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