What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
