just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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