I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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