He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
