i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
