I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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