I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
