I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
