margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
