My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
