I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
