beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
