she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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