nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
