dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
