Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
