Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
