; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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