Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
