She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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