Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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