I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
