Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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