Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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