Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's always time for handjobs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
