Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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