WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
