Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
