420 ftw
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
