I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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