Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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