At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
