Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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