My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
