My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
