meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize