Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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