So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
