I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
