And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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