im about as happy as oj after his trial
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
